The day before I left Shimla, I decided to be a tourist for a day. I had never seen the sights before, and I didn't want to pull another Pondicherry (despite living there for an entire semester, I never visited the touristy places in Pondy).
First on the tourist agenda: Jakhoo Temple. That's right, I finally braved Hanuman's Lair, even though I swore I never would. All the tourists go, so I figured I had to see it.
And it was every bit as terrifying as I imagined it would be.
At the entrance, there was a man warning people to remove their glasses (so the rumors about monkeys stealing glasses off of faces are true!! luckily I had come prepared, with my contacts in) (I probably wasn't fully prepared. I bet monkeys can steal contacts out of eyes, too!) and renting out sticks. Apparently, these sticks are meant to ward off monkeys. Of course I had to rent one; I needed any form of protection I could get! Nevermind that I could have just walked two feet into the adjacent forest and gotten a stick for free--that would've required risking my life at the opposable thumb-clad hands of crazed forest monkeys!! I thought my life was worth the Rs 5 ($0.11).
monkey weapons for rent. Rs 5/stick. because you should only enter this temple fully armed.
Walking from the gate toward the temple felt like walking toward an electric chair, but the killing device would be even more "cruel and unusual." This was it; I was walking into certain death. I now know what it feels like to be on Death Row. I suddenly wished my previous dinner--my last supper, if you will (and you will)--was more extravagant than Maggi (though I knew it was the right way to go, and let's be honest, I wouldn't really have it any other way) (unless I had cheese) (or maybe some combination of Maggi and cheese. yes, that would have been divine perfection).
This walkway was crawling with monkeys on all sides. To my left was a playground--not that a child could ever play on it, mind you. Monkeys and their babies were climbing up and subsequently sliding down slides, thereby making it completely unsafe for young children. Or even adults. Fine, I must admit: I laughed. It was legitimately cute.
climbing up the slide (note the one in mid-air on the right)...
...and sliding down.
But I shouldn't have let my guard down. The monkeys must have sensed my vulnerability when I laughed, because suddenly I found myself surrounded. Desperately trying to hide the fear that must have been so obvious on my face, I semi-squatted into my basketball boxing-out position (...that I haven't used since middle school) and swung my stick around threateningly. This somehow seemed to work and the monkeys left me alone.
Upon reaching the temple, I saw something absolutely horrifying: a monkey jump on a woman and unzip the front pockets of her jacket. A MONKEY. JUMPED ON. A WOMAN. AND UNZIPPED. HER POCKETS. As you can imagine, I panicked. I didn't know if I should turn around and run as fast as I could out of the temple (not that I could ever dream of outrunning monkeys), or if I should keep going (I came this far, right?), or what. I defaulted into boxing-out position, holding my stick like a sword, and froze like a statue. Finally a group of Gujarati tourists approached my paralyzed, petrified (in that I was both terrified and turned to stone) self and calmed me down. (Ok not really, but they tried to call me down.) Somehow they convinced me to walk the last 50 feet to the temple, sword-stick at the ready.
The temple wasn't worth it. It just wasn't. It was tiny and simple. No fabulous architecture, no extravagant decorations. Nothing more than your average local temple. Just a small orange-roofed house with some idols inside. This is what so many people risk their lives to see?! I wasn't expecting anything nearly as spectacular as Konark or Khajuraho, but geez I was expecting something tourist attraction-worthy, especially for braving all those monkeys. I was baffled. I didn't get it. I still don't get it. I feel so robbed of a morning I could have spent without fear of death.
really? REALLY?!
The rest of my day was less eventful, other than the fact that I had been wearing only a thin fleece (it was 60 F when I left my apartment) and the temperature unexpectedly dipped 40 degrees and it SNOWED. Yeah, needless to say, I was freezing. And unprepared. But at least the Oxford-like Viceregal Lodge (where British India was ruled in the summer, where Partition was signed, and which now houses the Indian Institute of Advanced Study that has hosted such scholars as Aung San Suu Kyi) looked especially beautiful in the snow!
dancing in the snow on my way toward the lodge because activity keeps me warm when I'm wearing weather-inappropriate clothing
Viceregal Lodge in the snow
No comments:
Post a Comment