Holi under hotel arrest

शुभ होली! Happy Holi!

Today is Holi, the Hindu festival of throwing colors (colors = colorful powders) and water on everyone and everything. It is a very fun holiday and I'll talk more about it in the next post.

Right now I'm in my hotel in Bikaner, Rajasthan under hotel arrest. Or at least that's what I call it, since I'm not allowed to leave the hotel, police orders. While I'm stuck here for several hours anyway, I figured I would blog (and stain the keyboard with my colorful Holi fingers in the process).

I was in Lakshminathji Mandir, a Hindu temple in Bikaner's old city, watching the Holi puja and partaking in the colors-throwing, singing (ok I was only clapping along), dancing, and Indian sweets-eating. It was a lot of fun (more to come about this celebration in the next post) when all of a sudden police storm the temple and two female officers grab me by the wrists and drag me out of the temple.

Police woman #1: आप क्या कर रही हैं? (What are you doing?)
Me: मैं होली मना रही हूँ! (I am celebrating Holi!)
Police woman #2, look of shock on her face: आप हिन्दी बोलती हैं! (you speak Hindi!)
Me, rolling my eyes because if they didn't think I knew Hindi, they shouldn't have talked to me in Hindi in the first place: मैं हिन्दी सीख रही हूँ | (I am learning Hindi.)
Police woman #2: क्या आप के पास हिन्दी में Ph.D. है?! (Do you have a Ph.D. in Hindi?!)
Me, trying to hold in the laughter because I've said only 2 very basic sentences: नहीं | आप मुझे क्यों ले रही हैं? (No. Why are you taking me?)
Police woman #1: मंदिर एक बजे बांध होगा | हमारे साथ आइये | चलो | (The temple will close at 1 o'clock. Come with us. Let's go.)
Me: लेकिन सिर्फ 12:45 हैं। मैं रहना चाहती हूँ | पूजा नहीं ख़त्म करता है | (But it's only 12:45. I want to stay. The puja is not finished.)
Police woman #1: पूजा आप के लिए ख़त्म करता है | चलो चलो | (The puja is finished for you. Let's go, lets go.)

Police woman #1 grabs me by the wrist again and pulls me to a motorcycle. Police woman #2 sits down on the motorcycle and pats the seat behind her.

Police woman #2: बैठो | (Sit.)
Me: नहीं! हम कहाँ जा रही हैं? (No! Where are we going?)
Police woman #2: आपका होटल | (Your hotel.)
Me: मैं helmet के बिना motorbike पर नहीं जाउंगी! (I will not go on a motorbike without a helmet!)
Police woman #1, yelling: हम पुलिस हैं!! बैठो!! (We are the police!! Sit!!)
Me, yelling back: नहीं!! safe नहीं है!! (No!! It's not safe!!) [I don't know the Hindi word for "safe.")
Both police women look really confused.
Me: Danger!
They seemed to understand now.
Police woman #2, switching into broken English: Helmet not allowed on today. Today Holi, no helmet.

During this entire exchange, a huge group of painted people, mostly men, was standing in a circle around us and watching. One purple and pink man approached the police women and gave them his turban (many Rajasthani men wear colorful turbans).

Police woman #1, handing me the turban: यह आपका helmet है | (This is your helmet.)

At this point I couldn't control myself and burst into laughter. All I could think was "helmet fail." But no one else was laughing. They seemed 100% serious.

Police woman #1, yelling in English: Put on the helmet!!

So I put on the turban--er, "helmet." Then a police man, who had been standing in the crowd until now, took my phone. He wanted to take a picture of me in the turban, apparently (that picture will be posted in my next blog entry).

Police woman #2: Now you have helmet. बैठो | (Sit.)
Me: यह turban helmet नहीं है | (This turban is not a helmet.)
Police woman #1: हाँ! यह helmet है! [grabs my wrist again, this time more tightly, and pulls me towards the motorcyle] बैठो!! (Yes! This is a helmet! Sit!!)
Me, pulling my wrist free and yelling: नहीं!! (No!!)
Police woman #2: We are helping you.
Me: मुझे आपकी मदद नहीं चाहिए! (I don't want your help!)
Police woman #2: लेकिन आप अकेली हें | (But you are alone।)
Me: तो? मैं हमेशा अकेली घूमती हूँ | (So? I always travel alone.)
Police woman #1: People drunk. Men will flirt you.

[If flirting is all I have to worry about, then I'm pretty safe.]

At this point a police jeep pulled up to the temple. The back of the jeep had about a dozen police officers, all male. The police women shoved me into the back of this jeep and instructed the driver to take me to my hotel. I told the driver where my hotel is, because at this point I'm obviously not going to be freed. All the policemen just stared at me. And continued to stare at me. Then one police officer seized my phone. He started calling random contacts and blabbering in Hindi. "ROAMING! ROAMING!" I yelled at him, because he was going to quickly spend all my money (my SIM card is pre-paid) and he was bothering my friends. Then he passed around my phone to the other officers so they could look through my pictures, delete my call history, and mess around with the features on my phone (when I finally got it back upon reaching the hotel, my phone was on flight mode and had a new background).

These policemen also offered me bhang lassi. Bhang is basically ground marijuana mixed in milk, and you drink it rather than smoke it. Everyone consumes bhang on Holi, but I thought it was odd that policemen were offering me drugs--especially when they were supposedly protecting me from the drunk people.

(By the way, I knew exactly where in the city male-only drunk Holi was taking place, and I was purposely avoiding it. The Lakshminathji Mandir's Holi celebration is meant for families, and I was surrounded by women and children there. It was definitely safe.)

The hotel employees looked super nervous when they saw the police jeep pull into their driveway. The police instructed them not to let me leave the hotel. They asked what happened, and the police said "we found her celebrating Holi at Lakshminathji Mandir." The hotel guys looked totally dumbfounded, as if there was absolutely nothing wrong with this and they could not understand why the police took me away (I don't understand it myself). As soon as the policemen left, they laughed and told me how stupid the police are. I responded, "हाँ, यह बकवास है!" ("Yes, this is bullshit!") and they laughed in agreement.

Then I spent 2 hours talking to the hotel employees in Hindi (or rather, trying to). When I became mentally exhausted from all the Hindi, I went to their Internet cafe. And here I am. My train leaves at 8pm and then I will be free from this hotel arrest!